Bird Seven: Running from Camera (a Valentine)
Bird Seven is the result of a collision between Poetry Thursday (Idea = Prose Poem) and something my friend Tim linked to his blog, namely, this guy who takes photos of himself running away from his camera. I am absolutely drawn to the idea of exploring variations of a simple premise. I am also reminded again of an idea from Understanding Comics -- these photos straddle the balance between unique and universal beautifully... As a "reader," I can simultaneously view him as a specific individual and easily put myself in the photo. I love it.
So here's a prose poem (I think).
Valentine for the Runaway Man
Once, in the kitchen, he was standing at the sink, sleeves rolled, suds flying, scrubbing the paella pan, and she felt it coming on -- the terrible need to chase him away. This became a game. She stole up behind, sockfeet padding percussively in place, clawed hands poised like a hungry bear, a cartoon monster, a lunatic crab. "What are you doing?" he asked, and she answered, "I'm chasing you, of course. You've just forgotten to run away." "You're crazy," he laughed. "Please," she insisted, "Run away. Run away so I can miss you. Run away so I can feel for a moment how it would be if you weren't here."
I promise, my love, that one day, I will run away for you.
Here's the not-prose version. (Just want to state for the record that I wrote the prose/paragraph version first, and added these line-breaks after). Same words, same order, but I like this
Valentine for the Runaway Man
Once, in the kitchen, he was standing
at the sink, sleeves rolled, suds flying,
scrubbing the paella pan,
and she felt it coming on --
the terrible need to chase him away.
This became a game. She stole up behind,
sockfeet padding percussively in place,
clawed hands poised like a hungry bear,
a cartoon monster, a lunatic crab.
"What are you doing?" he asked,
and she answered, "I'm chasing you,
of course. You've just forgotten to run away."
"You're crazy," he laughed. "Please,"
she insisted, "Run away. Run away
so I can miss you. Run away so I can feel
for a moment how it would be
if you weren't here."
I promise, my love, that one day,
I will run away for you.
12 comments:
Very nice, Shelley. Running From Camera is easy to chuckle at as a small clever joke... but your insight into its variations, and your take on why a person might run away, for a good, loving reason, is a good wake-up. Thanks for going deeper and taking us with you.
I have to give my friend Stefan credit for pointing me to Running from Camera. He doesn't have a site, but he should. He talks about it a lot. We'll all benefit when he does.
Yep, I like it too. Happy Valentine's Day - E :)
I just really like the whole idea here and what you have created from just the picture... it's so vivid, both poem and pic. I also liked how you put the poem into both its different forms- I think both work well for me, but I do tend to like prose poetry more.
I LOVE the prose poem version, and think it's way more effective in that form. Why? because it is such a surprising idea, wrought with such humor, bittersweet, albeit, but very funny, which makes the ending that much more poignant. The way it works toward that end from that beginning is, to me, the explicit function of a prose poem. It's a great poem. Truly.
I love the whole thing and I'm torn over the two versions. I expected to react really strongly to one or the other, but I sort of love them both. I think I'm slightly inclined to lean toward the prose version, because it's such a fantastically surprising little story and the prose version really highlights that - but making it less "poem-y" the poetry of it feels stronger.
I love this, and also feel more drawn to the prose version. Wonderful!!
I really like this...I preferred the regular poetry version myself, but very fun. Your title reminded me of Valentine for Earnest Mann by Naomi Shihab Nye.
I love that guy who runs away from his camera. Thanks for introducing me to him. What a great concept.
Your prose poem is fantastic. As soon as I got to the paella pan, I knew I was in a very specific moment, one in which you were paying close attention to the details, and I felt myself wanting to read on.
This is beautiful -- it feels like such an authentic moment. I love it more in the prose poem version, but both work well.
Both versions are good but I do prefer the prose version.
I liked the ending.
You too can chk my post, Ambrosial.I would welcome critical comments for this prompt.
I really liked the specifics of the scene in the kitchen. You put us right there with the characters. I felt like the explanation "Run away. Run away so I can miss you. Run away so I can feel for a moment how it would be if you weren't here" was too long and obvious. As a reader, I'd rather have the satisfaction of figuring it out by myself. I do love the idea you're working with, that it is the cloudcover that makes us so attuned to sunshine. I'm loving coming here to this site! Keep it up!
This is wonderful. I too like the prose version better, although I'm not too familiar with it. Also, I liked the ending--the repetition. don't change a word!
Also I had great fun looking at the running from camera site. Thanks.
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